Are you afraid of being alone? Is that too deep for the intro?
Ok let's rephrase the question and make it a little lighter. How about this: Are you afraid of being alone with your family or close friends? No? How about your best friend - are you afraid of being alone with them? Still no? Great, we’re making progress.
Now, your best friend knows you really well. They know your strengths and weaknesses. You share experiences with them, and you probably value their input more than anything else, right?
Well then, if you aren’t afraid of being with your best friend, being alone with your own thoughts and being comfortable and confident in yourself should be of outmost importance to you on your development journey. It's all about learning to be your own best friend first.
Let's dive in.
too deep for the intro
Blaise Pascal, a famous philosopher, once said: "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."
That's a powerful and thought-provoking quote. It calls on introspection and introspection itself is tough.
Have you ever found yourself avoiding being alone with your thoughts? Maybe you always have to check your phone the moment someone leaves the room, or when you're in a room full of strangers. Maybe you turn on the TV just to keep yourself busy, or you feel the need to always listen to music when going for a run.
Well, there's this thing called autophobia. It's the fear of being alone, and in social settings, it's known as social autophobia.
If you can relate, just know that you're definitely not alone. That's your safety and comfort zone. Being alone with our thoughts can be uncomfortable, even scary, especially if you're not familiar with yourself.
As a high achiever, a high performer, or simply an ambitious person, I'm sure you often feel the pressure to constantly be on the move. The need to sit back and think about yourself, how you're doing, and getting to know yourself better can be a secondary thought.
But what happens when you force yourself to sit with your thoughts? Well, before I answer that, let's make one thing clear: There's a huge difference between being lonely and solitude.
the benefits of solitude
Being alone with your thoughts can be an incredibly positive experience with numerous benefits.
For example, it can spark creativity, provide clarity, and increase self-awareness. When you intentionally take a break from the noise and distractions happening around you, you create a space for your mind to process and reflect. This beautiful moment, when done right; sparks new ideas, insight, and perspective.
Have you ever noticed how your best ideas come to you during mundane activities like walking, showering, or driving? These activities release dopamine in our brains and allow us to think more effectively.
Think for a moment of some of the world's most successful writers, artists, and thinkers. They've used solitude to their advantage. For example, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, and Isaac Newton all credited their best ideas to moments of solitude.
This is another reason why stepping away from challenging situations can be beneficial, but that's a topic for another letter.
the fear of being alone with your own thoughts
Now, despite the benefits of solitude, many still avoid it because of confronting their own thoughts.
So there's genuine reason for that. This fear can come from different reasons, such as fear of facing uncomfortable emotions or past thoughts, or fear of just wasting time and not being productive.
The problem, though, is that avoiding our thoughts can lead to anxiety, stress, and burnout.
So the focus then should be how do we embrace this solitude and work with our emotions and thoughts?
overcoming the fear of solitude
The first step doesn't have to be a big one. For example, if you're uncomfortable with your own thoughts and being alone, don't feel like you need to go on a worldwide solo trip in the middle of the rainforest unless you're brave and resilient like that. The key is not to overwhelm yourself.
So here's how you can start:
A great way is to begin with journaling or taking solo walks around the block or in your local park.
With journaling, write down a few thoughts every morning or ideally, the night before. It can be brief reflection of your day, or your ideal life in 5 years.
When taking solo walks, leave your phone behind and go for a quick stroll. You don't have to force thoughts to come through while you're out there. Take in the sights and sounds, and over time, ideas and thoughts will enter your mind. Process them, but don't try to solve them on the spot.
If you keep doing this for a few weeks, you'll soon start gaining perspective on a lot of what goes on in your life.
And whatever you do, make sure to treat yourself and your emotions with kindness, honesty, and to be non-judgmental. And keep in mind that there's no such thing as bad emotions.
The truth is, there's no right or wrong way to experience solitude, and your journey will be unique.
the wrap-up
So there you have it. Being alone with your thoughts can be a powerful and transformative experience, despite the fear and discomfort that may come your way.
On your journey of growth and exploring your potential, it's crucial to prioritize self-reflection and introspection, even if it means temporarily stepping away from productivity and output.
Take some time for yourself this coming week and see what you discover.
Until next time,
Oliver Bukasa
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